OVERCOMING SEXUAL ADDICTION

Let me state here that every problem has a solution and I also want you to know that it is possible to be free from sexual addiction. In the course of the week, I got a mail from one of my proteges in Kenya, a teenager who had issues with sexual addiction. He wrote to inform me that he is done weeks without it and he is confident that he will not lose the battle again. As I wrote in my last post, I'm a living testimony of freedom from nasty habit. IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE FREE FROM ADDICTION. I want to share with you some practical and time-tested tips that has helped me and many others overcome this deadly monster. 1. You need to acknowledge the problem of sexual addiction if you must get a solution. 2. Take responsibility and do not go about blaming others for your woes. Have it at the back of your mind that it will be a challenging task, but be determined that I must win the battle. DON'T GIVE UP even if you fail at the first, second or third attempt. 3. Have a strong desire to change and take actions passionately. 4. Look for a mentor/accountability partner that you can open up to. It is a major factor , as a problem shared is half solved. You can call him/her when you face challenging situations. Don't fail to tell the person when you have slips too. 5. Avoid places,music and friends who negatively influence you to do those things you hate to do or make you very vulnerable. 6. When you are browsing/ on the internet, know that you have a choice to click on the enter button to that porn site, a choice to insert that x-rated VCD/DVD in the player/laptop, a choice to go to that brothel OR NOT TO. Don't entertain negative thoughts or dialogue with the devil. When those suggestions or bad ideas come, don't consider it, JUST REJECT IT! I mean JETTISON the idea immediately. Thoughts are like a viper's egg which can be crushed by even a child, but when its allowed to become a full- grown viper it will take the bravest of men to kill it. 7. Destroy all porn materials - VCD/DVDs,magazines, books,videos,tapes and pictures in your possession. 8. See yourself as a role model and get involved in activities that will keep your mind busy and make you a better person that can be emulated. 9. Guide your heart with all diligence. This is very important, garbage in , garbage out. If you give a filthy thought/idea a foothold in your heart, it will build a stronghold. 10. You can't stop a bird from flying over your head but you can prevent it from making a nest in your head. If you see sites, pictures,films or ladies dressed provocatively or you stumble on a tv station on the cable, switch off or take your eyes off as fast as possible. You are most likely to fall if you spend some time to feed your eyes with negative images. Never allow your mind to be a bus-stop for negative thoughts. 11. Believe that you can be free even if there is a slip. Confer with your accountability partner as soon as possible. 12. Forget the past and its mistakes, remember you can't drive forward, looking back. 13. Reprogramme your mind with new information that are edifying. 14. Know your bottom-line. If you find out your job is making you to have temptations you find difficult to handle, do the honourable thing- RESIGN. Read your books so that lecturers will not have cause to use passing their papers as a bait to abuse you sexually. 15. Don't allow an uncle, aunty or a brother to touch you anyhow - REACT by challenging them, don't pretend as if nothing is happening. Avoid vulnerable positions and locations. 16. If you fall, ask God for forgiveness and avoid the reason for your slip like a plague in future. 17. Read only books,magazines and watch films that will not arouse your emotions. You are a product of the information you feed your mind with. Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true,noble, reputable, authentic, compelling,gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; the things to praise , not things to curse. Put to practice what you learned from me... Do that, and God who makes everything work together, will work you into His most excellent harmonies.( Paul's letter to Philippians(The Message Version).

HOW PEOPLE GET ADDICTED TO SEX

People don’t just start out and become sexual addicts in a day.  Addiction is a product of prolonged use.  There are so many ways through which  guys and gals get into sexual addiction.  I will be discussing a few of them in this post. Enjoy your reading.

1.      Sexual Abuse.    Abuse as we earlier defined is   abnormal use.    Sexual abuse is probably to most profound reason why people get addicted to sex.  It is usually in 2 broad forms ; addiction through interaction and addiction through orientation.

a.                  Abuse through interaction is usually a fall out of boys/girls that were touched and exposed to sexual pleasures very early in life. Oftentimes by older adults who take undue advantage of their naivety.   Sexually abused people tend to develop a condition called sexual anorexia ( a desire not to have sex ). They often resort to masturbating or use of sex toys to derive sexual pleasure.

Conversely, others get addicted to sex as a result of sexual abuse as young children.  I know of a particular 12 year old girl that got sexually abused at age 3 by three men.  It actually opened her up and she became sexually promiscuous.  It got so bad that as  young as age seven, she had literarily started luring not just other children but older men to come and have sex with her. Her sexual appetite was awakened too early and she found it too hot to handle. It also affected her psychologically.

b.        Abuse through orientation is as a result of what people watch, read and the music they listen to.  It is also known as mind abuse.   The irony of it all is that this form of abuse could be a fallout of genuine teenage curiosity to peep into the adult world.  Let me tell you my own story.  I grew up to discover very early in life that I had a penchant for reading.  Due to lack of guidance, I pick up any book, magazine or journal I could lay my hands on and devour the contents.  In the course of my exploration, I stumbled on some pornographic materials as a very young teen (13).   It tickled my fancy and I wanted to know more, so I began to fill my mind with all sorts of erotic stuff .   That was how I began to paint mental pictures of the materials I read because I’m also a very imaginative person.   Eventually when I felt it was not good for me, the pictures had become stuck in my memory and it is played back unconsciously and randomly.  It led to a journey of years of eventual addiction to masturbation.   It took the grace of God to eventually deliver me from this monster.    That is one of the reasons why I made up my mind to let young adults know that they need to guide what they feed their minds with. You have to choose what to read in order to preserve your future.  The trait of being an avid reader is very good but the devil can pervert it, if you don’t know how to control what you read.

So long for today, I expect your comments and have a nice weekend as you ponder on this post.  The world is waiting for your manifestation, don’t destroy it with a careless today.

Dele

SEXUAL ADDICTION- A SOFT KILLER

Hi Folks, I’m sorry that the follow- up to our let’s talk about sex series is coming later than I envisaged. Please pardon me. Today, I will be talking about what I call a soft killer, sexual addiction.

Let me define sexual addiction, Sexual addiction is an uncontrollable compulsive appetite for sex that keep reoccurring. it is overwhelming and often becomes like second nature. You may have started it ignorantly but over time, it becomes a habit which you discover that you can no longer control when the urge comes. Even though you desire to stop, but you literarily find yourself going back to do, that which you hate to do.

I want you to note that sexual addiction is not sexual feeling (which is normal for anyone that has reached puberty) or one- off sexual sin. It is pertinent to add that sexual feeling is God’s design; however it must be controlled until the appropriate time. Animals have sex based on instinct, while human beings are meant to have sex by choice.

I have discovered through studies, personal research and interactions with teens, young adults and even married people that sexual addiction cuts across board. The problem is that issues of sexual addiction are hardly discussed openly because of the kind of environment in this part of the world. What bothers me most is that the underlying factor in some cases is not an outright desire to go into promiscuity that led them to being held captive by this taskmaster that kills by instalments. It is one of the greatest battles that are being fought by mankind without the use of physical weapons; the battlefield is the mind.

Sexual addiction comes in various forms, they include

a. Voyeurism or mind sex (persons who derive sexual pleasure from watching others (especially secretly) who are naked or taking part in sexual activity. This is manifested through the following media:

(1) Cybersex ( through the internet).

(2) Visits to pornographic sites, watching of blue/x-rated films/DVD.

(3) Reading of x-rated magazines, books and erotic music and its videos.

b. Masturbation - Although some schools of thought are of the opinion that it is harmless, but from personal experience and about 14 years of counselling both single and married people, I have discovered that it has serious psychological and spiritual adverse effect on victims.

c. Different forms of sexual perversions- I call them perversions because they are deviations from the original plan of God the creator, for sex. Sex was meant to be between a man and a woman ( as was defined in my last post) within the context of marriage. These perversions include

(1) Lesbianism (sex between 2 women/girls). It is quite common now in boarding schools.

(2) Homosexuality (sex between 2 men/boys). It is also very common among teenagers and young adults.

(3) Incest – Sex between close relatives i.e people who are considered too closely related to have such a relationship.


       ...............................................To be continued